I got two phone calls this morning which I wasn’t expecting. One from my eldest little brother R, who is in Melbourne & the second from our eldest stepbrother, J & his wonderful wife T.

My biological mother’s third husband, also a J, passed away this morning, after a long illness.

I don’t know how I should feel. I am relieved, because no-one deserves a long slow death. I feel for K, as they isolated themselves from others with their opinions & actions, and no-one deserves to be lonely. But how should I feel? I could grieve for myself, in that there goes someone who should have been a proud father & grandfather, but I didn’t get to see that side. I do grieve for my step-siblings, who despite his shortcomings towards those he couldn’t mold into his own puppets, J did love them. Just conditionally.

Right now my soul is empty.